Hey there, Mama. Let me just start by saying this: I see you. We’ve all experienced and are learning how to cope with mom guilt. I know how hard it is to juggle everything. The deadlines, the emails, the Zoom calls—all while trying to be present for your kids.
It’s a lot. And if you’re anything like me, you’ve felt that pang of guilt when you’ve had to say, “Not right now,” to your little ones more times than you’d like to admit. That mom guilt is such a heavy load to carry.
Know that you’re not alone in this, and there are ways to lighten that burden. Let’s talk about how to cope with mom guilt, find balance, and remind ourselves that we’re doing the best we can.
What is Mom Guilt?
Mom guilt is that nagging feeling of doubt, worry, or inadequacy that creeps in and makes moms feel like they’re not doing enough for their children. It’s the emotional weight of wondering if you’re making the right choices in how you’re raising your children.
This feeling can manifest in different ways:
- Working moms may feel guilty for not being home enough.
- Stay-at-home moms may feel guilty for not contributing financially.
- Freelancing or work-from-home moms may feel guilty for trying to juggle it all and feeling like they’re failing at both parenting and work.
- Every mom may feel guilty over small things like missing a bedtime story, giving their child too much screen time, or simply taking a moment for themselves.
Mom guilt is fueled by societal expectations, comparison to others (especially on social media), and the pressure to be the “perfect” mom. However, we all know there’s no such thing as a perfect mom. Every mom is doing the best she can with the circumstances she has.
Here are some ways on how to cope with mom guilt.
1. Redefine What “Enough” Means
Let’s start by letting go of the notion that you should be a “perfect mom.” That doesn’t exist.
Your kids don’t need a Pinterest-perfect mom who is there for every event and activity. They need a mom who loves them, listens to them, and shows up in the ways that truly matter. Sometimes, that’s helping them with homework after a long workday. Other times, it’s letting them see you working hard and modeling resilience.
Your best is enough. Repeat that until you believe it.
2. Set Realistic Boundaries
Working from home blurs the line between “mom” mode and “work” mode. Setting clear boundaries can help you feel more in control. For example:
- Create a dedicated workspace (even if it’s just a corner of the kitchen table).
- Set work hours and communicate them to your family.
- Use a visual cue, like a “Mom’s Working” sign, to help your kids understand when you’re unavailable.
Boundaries are for you just as much as it is for your kids. When it’s family time, put your phone down and close your laptop. Being fully present, even for short bursts, can make a big difference.
3. Plan Meaningful Time Together
You might not always be able to attend every school event or family outing, but you can make the time you do have count. Quality matters more than quantity. Here are some ideas:
- Mini dates: Take one child out shopping. My daughter and I enjoy going grocery shopping or to the library. Those one-on-one moments are golden.
- Family rituals: Movie nights, pancake breakfasts, or bedtime stories can become cherished traditions. My kids and I like to eat junk food and have an anime marathon during our lazy weekends.
- Creative play: Join your kids in their world—whether it’s building a Lego masterpiece, having a dance party, or painting together. When playing Legos, I like to always challenge my kids to tell a story for their pieces by asking lots of open-ended questions.
These small but intentional moments can help fill their emotional cup and yours.
4. Be Honest and Vulnerable
One of the hardest parts of mom guilt is feeling like you’ve let your kids down. When it happens (because it will), own it. Apologize if you need to and explain in an age-appropriate way why you let them down.
For example, you might say, “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to your game today. I had an important deadline, but I’m so proud of you, and I’d love to hear all about it.” Kids are resilient, and they’ll appreciate your honesty and effort.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
When you’re falling short of your own expectations, it’s simple to be critical of yourself. The problem is that feeling guilty doesn’t make you a better mom. Compassion does. Be kind to yourself as you would a friend in your situation.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a moment to breathe. Remind yourself that you’re doing your best. And when you need to, give yourself permission to ask for help—whether that’s hiring a babysitter for a few hours or delegating work tasks.
You’re Doing Amazing, Mama
Let’s face it, mom guilt doesn’t simply go away. But it’s easier to handle if you know how to cope with mom guilt. Working hard does not mean that you are failing your children; rather, it teaches them valuable lessons about balance, love, and tenacity.
Give yourself grace, celebrate your efforts, and keep showing up the best way you know how. Remember, understanding coping doesn’t mean you’ll never feel it again, but it helps you move forward with confidence and compassion.
From one working mom to another, you’ve got this.